A few days ago, somebody liked my previous post “The Late Bloomer Harry Potter Fan.” Out of curiosity and gratitude, of course, I had to see who this blogger was, by the name of Ranadive. To my surprise, his blog was about photography and perceptive posts, not at all the type of blogsite I keep, which is mostly about my thoughts and my experiences, hence my memoir. I was a bit embarrassed then that he liked my post (grateful but embarrassed :D).
What struck me primarily was a post about a solemn-looking child entitled For A Difference. The child was a beggar who requested for a photo of her with her brother and regarded this simple favour with such genuine happiness it would melt your heart to see their beaming smiles. After reading the post, I was overwhelmed by guilt due to my appalling attitudes. Impatience and discontentment are just a couple of them. Sometimes, I could also be so pessimistic that I hardly recognize the wonderful state I’m in compared to the less fortunate people whose population in our country could not be considered fairly small.
My shame was heightened as I remember that just a few nights ago, I was miserably complaining to my husband because we lack this or that trying to imply that my life is unhappy and that I’m so unfortunate. In a most sympathetic manner, he countered me saying I haven’t experienced the poorest state in life and, though he didn’t add, I have no right to whine in such tremendous way. I just failed to see the wonderful things being given me: the kids in good health, well-provided for, happy, growing normally, and the two of us in perfect relationship. These are the utmost concerns I guess, because these things are out of our control, meaning, God-given. Financially, we have just enough to get by with the things we need and at times, we’re given more than enough to afford even our wants. It was so wrong for me to just forget the wonderful things God had given and done for me. At the end of our conversation, I was like, thanks for slapping my face. I’ll try to avoid being such a horrible ungrateful creature and a childish brat who twitch when things don’t go my way.
Perhaps to emphasize my mistake even more, I received good news yesterday pertaining to my greatest dream at present. I wasn’t expecting this news for another 6 months or so and I was surprised, happy and excited all at the same time yesterday. Again, it’s not an assurance to my dream but we’re getting near the answer. I’d be a hypocrite if I don’t admit that I’m praying that the answer will be yes. I’m really hopeful, but that’s beside the point. The point is, after all my being a monstrous whiner, here I am receiving a gift of hope that I don’t think I deserve. Of all the things given me which I’ve taken for granted constantly, God is still kind and patient with me. And to top it all, I have been a deficient servant for a long time now.
It’s not the first time that I’ve been reminded to be thankful and more grateful. Some years ago, I received this e-mail entitled Are You Still Complaining? twice, both times when I’m on the verge of frustration. You see, I had my share of life’s extreme darkness myself, no job, no social life, no financial means, no use… I have my family though and hope. Still, my husband was right. I had not reached this peak of poverty and hardship to complain this much. And I just noticed again, the flesh and bone figure carrying his brother had a hint of smile in his face.
Now I’m even more humiliated because I have taken for granted the things that I should be smiling for, only because I lack this single thing or that…
Bottom line is, I am receiving my lecture the easy way. The kind of child that I am, I probably deserve a heavier lash. That’s one thing I have to be thankful again I guess. It only takes a few moments to stop and think in order to see the lessons that life wants us to learn. No need for unnecessary whining really. I just hope I’ll never forget this lesson again. I do feel despicable afterwards, every time I act this horrible.