I received two messages since yesterday that is related to the dream I have been working out for years. Ever since the crucial step we made last year, there was nothing to do afterwards except to pray and wait. Now the messages weren’t really the answer to my prayers. More likely, they’re just updates without definite assurance. Somehow, they kindled my hope and prolonged my agony some more at the same time.
An analogy of what I feel right now is like a student waiting for the result of an exam that could either break or make her future. Remembering the hardships we have been through makes me think that the exam was somewhat like the board I took for my profession. Sure, you could be able to answer everything and still beat the time but the correctness of your answers and the passing, you are totally clueless. And now receiving these messages somewhat give me the feeling of being examined all over again. It’s like the feeling after the periodical exams way back when we were just high school. The stresses and sleepless nights reviewing piles of books are over, but the anxiety is there until the results got out.
For now, I can’t say yet that I’m halfway through my dreams. It’s not like a flower that starts as a bud. In my perspective, the dream will just bloom at the right time… or die even before it buds. Maybe that’s what I get for over exercising the accountant’s principle of conservatism. Sometimes, I tend to be pessimistic. But it’s for my best that I have to do this. I am not the strongest person when faced with frustrations. I cry even before the milk’s spilled.
So I’ll just keep on praying, hoping and crossing my fingers. Sooner or later, I might just get the answer.